Who Has More Luck Online – Men or Women?
Posted on 2025-02-18
Category: Lifestyle
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Um, I’m 43 years old. I’m in good shape, but I’m definitely not slender. When I was actively using OK Cupid for dating purposes, I’d post a profile and get about 50 emails in the first 3-5 days. That would drop off to 25 by week two. 10 or so by week 3. And then once I hit the one month mark I’d get maybe 3 emails a week for a couple weeks, even when I’d update my profile.
Of those emails, at least 40% of them were from men that were 10+ years above or below my age range.
Then there was the 10% that were from the guys from Amsterdam or London asking me how the weather was over here.
Another 20% were from the guys who opened with, “Hey beautiful/sexy/love those lips” or some other socially inept comment.
The next 20% of emails came from men who were time wasters, put me on the back burner, sidelined me or otherwise emotionally maladjusted.
Finally, there were 10% of men that I actually went out with. Of the 8 or so guys I went out with in the past year, 3 have turned in to something that lasted 2-5 months or are currently ongoing. Of those 3, 2 emailed me first. I emailed one. (That one lasted about 5 months or so.) In the past 7 months I’ve gone out with all of 3 guys from that site, two of which led to something ongoing but certainly did not/have not reached anything that would merit the “omigod BOYFRIEND!” status. I focused only on the guys that I was genuinely excited to meet. Anybody that seemed like too much work, ambivalent, had too many options, etc were discarded. Why put myself through that? So I could say I had a date?
Please enlighten me as to how this myth that women get more messages started. Because that was not my experience. Maybe the women who are inordinately beautiful or the ones in their twenties get barraged with emails. But I certainly didn’t.
Having done a number of profile reviews for men in the last couple of weeks, I’ll say this. Many of these men all went for the “hot” woman. The woman who looked good but whose profile was so abysmally awful- COMPLETE WITH OBVIOUSLY OLD PHOTOS - that it was clear all these guys cared about was dating someone “hot.” I had no problem alerting some of these men to the fact that they were average looking guys competing with all the other average looking guys. (FYI? The “hot” guys are not emailing those women. They’re too busy dating your female counterpart – the average woman who wants the “hot” guy.) I absolutely agree with Offensive Dan when he says people write obnoxious profiles with all kinds of disclaimers and shit tests HOPING to attract some dolt desperate enough to tolerate their self-important BS. Eventually they grow bored with those men and women and start all over. You’re not exactly missing out on your great true love if they don’t reply.
One guy showed me a woman’s profile and she was absolutely stunning. But to him, she was “a seven.” So maybe that, too, is part of the problem. You guys have such out of whack expectations that you think you’re emailing the average women when you’re not. I don’t know. What I do know is that you don’t appear to be having any luck. So something isn’t working.
If you guys out there complaining about how difficult and delusional women are are swinging for the fences all the time, then that explains why you’re not having much luck. Nobody who does that has much luck.
I find this constant complaint that women get sooo many more emails than men overwrought and baseless. You don’t know that. Or you’re basing that on the women that you meet, which are probably the women being contacted by everybody and using those sites for attention and free meals. In which case, you probably have really bad taste in women.
I don’t think the problem is that the women are all high maintenance. I think part of the problem is that you guys who often complain go for the “hot” woman because she’s attractive, not really understanding that you have no shot in the first place.
Like someone recently said, just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean you have to meet them. Isn’t it possible that that that is your problem? That you’re all going out with women out of your league because they’re attractive, ignoring all the red flags in their profile?
Or maybe you’re just denying what your true audience is?
Or maybe you’re just not that attractive or bring much to the table?
Finally, why care so much about all those people who won’t give you a chance? If you think they’re so difficult and shallow, then why even care? That makes no sense.